My Dissociated Life

One of the amazing things about DID is that it is developed not only to keep abuse hidden from the outside world, but from the person who is living with it. This means that even though DID is acquired in early childhood, most people do not realize they have it until later in adulthood. For some people this realization is incredibly painful, with frightening symptoms and unexplained thoughts or behaviours. These experiences are often confusing until someone comes across DID as an explanation, in my experience this usually brings a lot of complicated emotions ranging from grief, to relief and everything in between.

So what triggers this phase? It is different for everyone, which is the gold standard for those living with DID. It could be a trauma trigger such as visiting an old site of abuse, or seeing a person who participated in the abuse. Usually, however, it is a small moment that comes with a felt sense of safety. For me, that moment was a conversation with my therapist about how interpersonal trauma healing can only happen within the context of relationship. In short, my beautiful brain heard “you don’t have to do this alone”, believed it, and opened the flood gates.

At this point it is very important to make sure you have supportive people around you. Find a therapist who understands trauma and dissociation (I remembered!). Go through your own decision making process about diagnostics. Find community. Pre-screen any resources you send to family/friends to see if they apply to you (because every system is different), and stay away from social media related to DID unless it’s from a reputable source. I’m slowly building the resources page here, but a great place to start is the CTAD clinic, An Infinite Mind, or podcasts (my favourite is Adriane Fletcher’s Braving the Way).

Whatever you are experiencing through this phase, know that it will end. Know that you will adjust and learn to live with this new information about yourself. Know that you are not broken. Know that you have a super power. Know that you are never alone.

❤