My Dissociated Life

Disclosures are a difficult topic, telling someone you have DID comes with a number of considerations from your relationship with them, their beliefs about mental health and how much you want them to know about you. While sometimes you might want to tell the world, it may not always be safe. Hopefully we can start a conversation about things you might want to think about before telling someone you have DID. It’s always important to consider the pros and cons of disclosing, but most important thing is to make sure your whole system agrees with every disclosure, then consider these questions:

Who. Who is this person? How long have you known them, what is their role in your life and how do you interact with them? What are their views on mental health and trauma? Do they believe common myths about DID or mental health in general? Are they open to following your lead in conversations around your condition? Are they willing to learn in a compassionate and non-judgemental way?

Why. Why do you want this person to know? Do they need to know about your condition or switches for safety reasons? Do they see switches happen and would benefit from an explanation? Would you benefit from this person understanding your condition and accommodations that a disclosure might provide?

What. What do you want them to know? Telling someone you have DID inherently tells them that you have a substantial childhood trauma history, is that something you want this person to know? How much do you want to disclose? Do you want them to know your trauma history, the size or configuration of your system, names of system parts?

When. When is it appropriate for this person to know. Sometimes someone who doesn’t need to know your diagnosis is suddenly in need of this information, which is why considering disclosure is so important even if you’re not actively considering it. Do you know enough about your own system to be able to answer any questions this person might have or to point them in the direction of resources you find accurately depict your experiences?

How. How do you want to tell them? You can drop it in a text message, or arrange a walk or coffee date. How you tell someone is completely up to you. Consider time of day, environment, personal space, exit strategies, time constraints, etc.

How about some examples!

• You have been dating someone for a while, you feel like you trust them and they are becoming a big part of your life. As a partner, it will be important for them to know, but the how/when/what become big questions.
• You’re going to see a dentist which historically has been really triggering for you. This is a person who needs to know for safety reasons, but you may want to suss out who they are and what they believe before you disclose, and have a plan about what to tell them, and how they can support you if a switch happens or you need a minute.
• You want to tell a coworker because you have grown really close and you want them to know. The who and why are really important here, especially when it comes to whether or not they will tell others, or if you are concerned about the fact that you have DID impacting your professional relationships. We know DID is a superpower but most others have different beliefs. A lot of people choose not to disclose in professional circles until after they have proven their professionalism in order to not let the diagnosis bias other’s opinions about their capability.
• You meet someone you will likely never see again, and they make an offhanded comment about dissociation or DID they encountered in the media. Personally, I would correct them and specify that I have DID and what they said is not accurate (while looking exceptionally “normal”), but you may have your own reaction. You can also lie *gasp* and say you know someone with DID and that sounds like a bunch of baloney.

Whether you choose to disclose, or not the choice is YOURS and every aspect of disclosure is a separate choice YOU get to make. It doesn’t have to happen all at the same time or in the same way every time. You are in control here and can choose who to let into your inner world in whatever way and to whatever level you feel is best for ALL of you. Stay safe out there ❤